Its been quite a while since I have updated anything here, mostly because I have been busy and partly because I haven’t been able to mentally revisit the events of this summer. It was a summer that begun will unexplainable loss, and is ending with new players entering the stage and old players trying to reemerge. It seems all that was old is new again and while I am quite sure there is nothing redeemable but memories of my children I have been able to find new light from the past in unexpected places. I going to try and travel back in time, to record my thoughts, to go from happiness to what was once unwritable. I have grown and feel like I can make the trip. Picture Timmy running backwards.
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August 15th, 2007 at 04:58amitsmyide
This post if anything is an attempt to restart my personal blog. To move the rusty wheel of thought and be able to release some of my ideas. I have set up a private area that no one else can see, somehow I need to vent, to get ideas out of my head without exposing them to the entire world. I guess there is some need for privacy in a wide open life. Seems like I have fallen asleep at the controls waiting for my environment to change my course for me. When I get stressed out I typically barricade myself from change. I’ve been described of late as lost, and I am coming to terms with my lack of direction now. Its not enough to be in a relationship and base my entire life off my children. There is a uneven soundtrack to my life that sounds like change in tempo and pitch. Time plows on whether you live it or hide from it, and I want burst out of the barricade like a surrounded desperado in a fire fight. Whatever fate awaits me its time to look time straight in the eye and not back down. The rusty wheel squeeks and moves.
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February 14th, 2007 at 04:48pmitsmyide
I didn’t understand why he would give me the ring that he had worn for most of the life I had known him. To a child it was a gift, to an old man it was a legacy that he didn’t want to have tainted by a deteriorating body. Its funny how life can seem so normal in a moment so poignant. The fireflies danced, the creek crackled, and life all around roared. He would seal up all of his wounds and bury them in his bones so that we couldn’t see. Maybe holding in all of that pain in life would be the poison that would be his undoing. I can feel him around now more than ever, and as I get older he is becoming even more important to me than he was in my youth.
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September 20th, 2006 at 05:41amitsmyide
A touch that rewrote my fingerprints as a mirror image of her skin tenderly tracing her face. A look that melted my soul with a mere glance, and a voice that a hundred angels could not duplicate. The smell of her perfume would arrest my lungs as they struggled to cling to just one more piece of her. The sound of her windshield wipers. The rain hitting the windshield. The dew on the inside of the window. The orange glow of her car stereo. When I fell in love. When it was over light looked different.
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September 20th, 2006 at 05:28amitsmyide
The fall is upon us now, and I feel some altitude is necessary. Skimming over trees and rocks, life seems to blur and it becomes readily apparent that just being airborne is not enough, I need coordinates now. Is this just a test flight for a better day or is this gloomy grey day the reality of my new journey? I seek color and life, and am just not finding the wet touch of life in my hands. Like a watercolor left in the rain all that is left behind are faded colors and a sketch of a life.
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September 20th, 2006 at 05:26amitsmyide
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